i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
