She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
