i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
