So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Randomize
