never play flip cup with pint glasses
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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