That's when you crack a 10am beer
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
