is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
