Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
