So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
