Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
