I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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