Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
