Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Randomize
