here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
