she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
