So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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