i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
