I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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