Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
