so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i think my cat just said my name.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
