i may or may not be watching the land before time
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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