i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
