When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
