Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
