you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
