wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
