She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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