Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
