why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
