im holly from the hills drunk
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
