How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
