The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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