it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
