Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
