Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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