I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
