How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
This baby is an asshole
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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