We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
