hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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