he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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