Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
