I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Dicks are not precious.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
