just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
