I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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