I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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