she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
time to smoke my breakfast
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
