if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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