I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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