Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
