I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
