I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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