I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
