meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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