The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
